mustard seed

i go to a Bible college. let's just get that out there. hopefully that doesn't add any negative connotations to your view of my posts / me; if it does, hopefully you can fight them off since connotation does not necessarily equate with reality (let's be poetic and call reality "concrete denotation"). i go to a really good Bible college where i'm learning more than i could have ever have hoped to learn about anything. i came here prideful and worried that i would spend 75% of my time rolling my eyes at everything, but instead i have been humbled and stood in awe of all that goes on here actively and academically. nonetheless, i'm going to use a complaint about this same Bible college as an introduction to this post. the problem with going to a Bible college is that a good number of the students here are missionary or homeschool kids who have read the Bible back and forth like 89 times and have competed in Bible-verse-memorizing contests at high, high level...

honestly? after movies like I, Robot and Eagle Eye , i can't see why anyone would even think about pursuing the whole "let's try to make a machine act like a person" thing. i'm pretty sure all this does is teach people to rely less on their own actions and responsibilities. i know the thinking is "well if we can get a robot to do these things, then we can think about bigger and better things and it's actually better for everyone!!!" it's actually not. a lot of why i think this has to do with outsourcing. getting robots to do things for us just reduces the need for human jobs. people will say things like, "well, you just get someone to run the robot or technology etc." problems with that: 1. it makes the person who is running the thing actually lazier (i.e. toll booth people. all they have to do is like, push a button and take your money), which contributes both to an obesity epidemic as well as intellectual scarcity. when all someone h...

i haven't written anything about David Foster Wallace or Roberto Bolano in a while (also: i haven't read anything by either of them in a while) (both of these things may be explained by the fact that i have been reading and writing about too many other things) (ironically/thankfully this post is happening because of one of those other things i read about and am now writing about), but both of their lives/deaths/writing still wiggle around in me (since having devoted time to each of their respective "epics," i suppose you might call them based on sheer length, regardless of lack of tragic hero in the vein of Odysseus etc). what i have been reading is a lot of commentary by poets/artists/writers about their crafts (courtesy my Vision, Voice and Practice interdisciplinary class), and that has been beyond enriching. all i really mean to say is that i ran into this Flannery O'Connor quote (while reading her passage "The Church and the Fiction Writer") that al...

this is a spur-of-the-moment-rant (as Chris Munekawa would say, a "brain dump"). it's the sort of thing that makes me wish that everyone in the world read my blog so that they would know what i think about this. and honestly, it's not so much that i want them to know what i think, but also that i want them to change how they live because of what i think. and this is exactly the problem i want to rant about. i just spent time, too much time, browsing online/print journals and publications, looking at all the voices and all the writings and all the arts and all the media and all the PR and all the marketing that goes into these things. and it's a little conflicting because on one hand, these are the sort of people i can relate to one hundred percent (100%). i am the "inwardly-passionate-writer-type"; i can't help but browse, in addition to the publication part of these groups, their job listings because i dream of being part of one of them one day. it...

*note: i didn't realize how personal and lengthy this was going to be, but it ended up that way anyways. sorry / forewarning for all the reasons i can't relate to Britney Spears (pop-stardom, losing virginity at sixteen, getting drunkenly married in Vegas, having two kids, going through a financially nasty divorce, pretty much having a monopoly over tabloid cover space, shaving my head, etc), she does have this one song that i really resonate with: "i'm not a girl, not yet a woman." i'm inclined to say i'm joking or being sarcastic or cynical, because i don't want to align with Britney Spears about something i'm trying to make a serious connection with. the point is, it's unfortunate i have to quote Britney Spears for those lines instead of someone great and timeless like Virgil. the other point is, i have to quote those lines. i'm in my second year of an undergrad education; i'm going to turn twenty here in a month or so. i know i lega...

one of my favorite passages in the new testament (i know, i know, i run the risk of saying that about everything i pull from the new testament. hopefully that says something about the new testament and not about me. ideally it says something about the new testament and about me): Luke 12:33-34 "Sell your possessions and give to those in need. This will store up treasure for you in heaven! And the purses of heaven never get old or develop holes. Your treasure will be safe; no thief can steal it and no moth can destroy it. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be ." now, as much as i love these verses, i also love my nifty daily Bible (thanks, Becky Tirabassi). i will complain that it is difficult to transport (i won't take this bugger around with me to read it in between classes or anything, because it's like, five times the size of my itty-bitty ESV i am partial to), but that might actually be to it's benefit, because i have to be de...

i am going through the pentatuch again, and i am falling in love with it. i am beginning to resonate with and understanding the psalmist when he exclaims "Oh, how I love your law!" (psalm 119:97). a lot of this is actually for environmental reasons; something i've been meaning to write another post about but haven't yet (it sort of boils down to: we wouldn't have all these environmental issues on our hands if we'd followed Old Testament ruling. the details of why are pretty cool ; God is a genius). i long for a time of lawfulness, and my spirit quickens to discern how it can better dwell in obedience to the tiniest details of divine command. simultaneously, i am thankful for the Spirit - that by its help we can realistically strive for this. whereas before i'd felt thankful that Christ came so that we didn't have to adhere to the law, felt glad that we didn't have to deal with seemingly nagging and tedious acts and compliances, i am beginning to u...

because i am genuinely curious. here is what you can do: 1. read the Thomas Merton quotes posted within one of my professor's posts at Scriptorium Daily i wonder if i am the man Merton is talking about. how can a man be truly humble? can a man be truly humble? how do you maintain humility? does one have to deliberately put themselves into undesirable circumstances in order to maintain humility? can a man live an enjoyable, pleasurable life on earth and still be humble? what does true humility look like, at this interior level? how does one keep from thinking they understand the will of God in their lives? how do you know when something is the will of God and when it's just your own "feeling" or your own decision? what do you think? oh God, forgive me for and forbid me from thinking that my own desires are yours. and at the same time - make my desires yours. can a man truly have your desires, God? how do we know? guide us as we follow You, most holy and great Author of...

i've been trying to write a post on Roberto Bolano's novel 2666 for the last like... two hours. i simply do not know which angle to take. and then i don't think i could take just one angle. it would be irreverent to the masterpiece to neglect the entirety of it's meaning. there are an overwhelming amount of things to say about it and because of it. and then there's the question: if something like that speaks for itself, why even say anything about it? i couldn't recommend 2666 to everyone, but i wish that i could. it is very dark, it's pages are slammed full of the worst occurrences and images but also the most beautiful of writings. the most profound of situations - between writer and writing, between writer and living, between writer and dying, between writer and reader, between writing and reading, between reader and reading, between reader and writing, between writing and world, between writer and world, between reader and world, between fact and ficti...

so if you read some bit of anything below you'll know something about David Foster Wallace, and how i read Infinite Jest this summer and then he (DFW) committed suicide on September 13th and how for a long while after than his life and death and works and words were all so... embalmed/in motion in my mind and spirit.... kind of like a thought project but i won't call it that because it involves so much more than just thinking.... more like a "being" project..... anyways. so i get home from the semester approximately five hours ago and i am so wiped ("i'm coming home from my hardest year, i'm making plans not to make plans while i'm here" - the lights and buzz). i am crashing. i don't have a temperature, in fact, in am 97.1 degrees fahrenheit (contrary to the 100.3 degrees fahrenheit i spent most of the semester thinking i was) (i have been so excited to take my temperature with a thermometer since we don't have one in the dorms and i alw...

this is probably my favorite painting. "Peter and John Running to the Tomb," by Eugene Bernard, a reference to John 20:3. i actually found the picture of it on a few other blogs, and it seemed like very few people were aware of it's existence, so i wanted to share it. it lives at the Musee d'Orsay in france; i hope to go visit it again one day. it hangs right next to the best rendition of the cruxifion i have ever seen (and there are a lot of crucifixion paintings. a LOT) by Russian painter Nikolai Gay. there's a lot to be said for "Peter and John...", and i feel like i should say a lot for it, given the post about learning about and understanding art, but i'll just leave it at: i'm not resistant to doing that and there is a lot to be said for a piece that can communicate so much so powerfully so well. kind of like God ("Here's the World. Here's the Word. Go for it.") this piece is particularly stirring in light of Korrine's...

Siedell, right off the bat in “Altars to the Unknown God,” makes a reckless assertion: “We think we know what art is. And that is the problem.” The word “know” makes me think of the old adage “ignorance is bliss.” I’ve been wrestling with the basic impression of “ignorance is bliss,” which tells me that if I want to be happy, I shouldn’t seek knowledge. This is immediately frustrating given that I am attending a private university for undergraduate-level education: I am paying loads of money to become less content. That doesn’t seem logical; it (the concept of seeking to become sorrowful) doesn’t seem the sort of institution that should have lasted since the foundation of Oxford around 1100 AD, particularly since institutions like this teach what is logical. What am I missing? A few days ago my mother, in discussing her education, said something along the lines of: “All my Master’s taught me was how much I don’t know.” A friend’s father echoed the same notion, that his “education j...

http://korrinecroghan.blogspot.com/2008/10/korrine-lannie-croghan-went-to-be-with.html God thank you for all your assurances and the strength of this family.

forewarning: this is going to be very long. it has to be, for me, for continuity’s sake. and so i apologize for your eyeballs glazing over and your vision getting messed up from staring at a screen for so long. but you know what? all you have to do is close the window and walk away, and suddenly, i’m not accountable anymore. this is not a free will discussion. never mind. there has been a lot going on in my life. in particular, i have my most important and only term paper due in just over a week, and it is hanging over my head like… well like the sky except made of molten lead. what i really should be spending my time on is this paper, but since i am enrolled in an institution that epitomizes whole-soul education, i feel somewhat okay with putting that paper on hold until i get this post written. especially because the aim of this post is to tie together all these masses of things i have been hanging on to (“things that i have been mentally, emotionally, and spiritually curious about a...