didn't even have to pay for therapy

i've been struggling lately, with all the usual living business about who i am and what i'm going to do and if it matters; i've been feeling very split and have had no idea how to reconcile the seeming sides of myself. it stresses me out because i feel this pressure to pick a side, pick a thing; to decide which of the things i'm thinking about actually relates to me or is me or is what i should be doing.

and then, after i ditch Torrey Conference (3-day conference put on by my university in place of classes and Monday holidays that i'm not entirely thrilled about) and sleep in (crazy crazy dreams this morning) and heat up last night's coffee (adding two inches of creamer) and procrastinate on all my papers that are due next week (Global Art Paradigms, Morality and Material Goods, Coaching Philosophy of Basketball, British Literature) by clicking around on the internet - watching lame internet videos like this one and trying to buy concert tickets to my favorite band in the world, and being horribly, horribly upset that my conservative Christian university has blocked my favorite blog (which has a title that i'm not allowed to say since my grandfather now reads my blog) - i run into something, on this world wide web of wonderful information, that solves my problems and quiets and calms my spirit.

i'm citing this from someone who cited it from someone else (which i'm pretty sure is all anyone ever does anytime they say anything anymore) but the point is, i'm citing it, so i can't get in trouble.


"1. Creative individuals have great physical energy, but they become extremely quiet when they are at rest. This restful period can lead others to think that they are not feeling well or that they are unhappy, when the truth is they are fine.

2. Creative folks tend to be both highly intelligent and naive at the same time.

3. Creative people are disciplined and playful simultaneously. In some creative people, this can mean that they are responsible and irresponsible at the same time as well.

4. Creative minds move between a spectrum of fantasy and imagination and a firm grounding in reality. They understand the present and need to keep in touch with the past.

5. Creative individuals seem to be both introverted and extroverted, expressing both traits at once. An image to explain this might be that they are shy showoffs, if you can picture that.

6. Creative people are sincerely humble and extremely proud in a childlike way. It requires ego to have a risky, fresh idea. It takes self-doubt to hammer it out to a workable form.

7. Creative folks don’t feel as tied to gender roles. They feel distinctly individual. They don’t feel the barriers of authority or the rules of what they are “supposed to do.”

8. Creative individuals are thought to be rebellious. Yet, in order to be creative one has to understand and have internalized the traditional culture. Therefore creativity comes from deep roots in tradition. Creative people are traditional and cutting edge.

9. Creative people are deeply passionate about their work, yet can be extremely detached and objective when discussing it.

10. Creative people are highly open and sensitive, which exposes them to pain and suffering, but also allows them to feel higher values of joy and happiness. "

it's that easy.

it's also funny because the lady writing the blog i found it on is a business-type person, and she's glad she found these because it helps her better understand the creative-type people that she has to work with in business. she's all relieved because she can now have patience with creative people. me, i'm just relieved because i can now have patience with me.

i could have before, i'm sure, if i'd thought hard enough and tried hard enough; but i'm a young achiever-type female, and we take all the affirmation we can get.